Day two

11.27.2010

Today I visited both my girls. One was in the hospital and one was in an orphanage and I am denied full access to both. Today was a heart break day. I travelled so far to see them and hold them and then I am forced to leave them.  I held Peyton in my arms, but I could not put her to my breast. I held Danice in my arms but could not take her home with me.

Peyton was at Sharon’s breast when I walked into the Ward. *sigh* My turn will soon come. I brought in clean clothes and a plate, cup and spoon for Sharon. I also bought a bottle of water.  Sharon and I talked for a bit. She complained that the hospital turns off the water at a certain hour. Another woman chimed in about the lack of service. I must admit I didn’t really care. I just wanted to know when Sharon was going to be discharged. As it was the weekend the chances of it being before Monday were zero. Doctors are nowhere to be found on weekends.  There were even more women in the ward today. If any more give birth between today and Sunday they will be sleeping two to a bed.  What a life. Peyton started to fuss a little so I held her.  Her face is already starting to change a little. Sharon says she resembles the father, but when mommy looked at the pictures she said she could see my Aunt Ismay in her.  She told me my grandmother is surely dancing in her grave to know that Ismay’s grandchildren are being rescued. At 1 pm I was kicked out.  A half hour visit is all I got. Now I’m off to see Danice.

Why am I in this Godforsaken place with no transportation? After waiting a half hour in the rain for a minibus that could take passengers to come along, I got lost on my way to the orphanage today. When the bus let me off in Georgetown Market, I had a hard time getting on a hospital bus because of the congestion and confusion. I really HATE crowds. I thought I could do better just walking since I have walked there twice before. I was dead wrong. I lost my direction, made one wrong turn and before I knew it I was on the wrong side of the city. The streets got more and more deserted and then I saw barbed wire and a guard tower. Oh great ! I’ve walked into the prison district. Completely annoyed with myself I decided I needed to find a taxi service. I could not see any huts and started to consider calling a number off the ones that were passing by. Finally I saw a hotel sign. Flustered and tired I asked the door man which way it was to Joshua house. He started to point me in the direction, but changed his mind when he saw the look on my face and suggested I take a taxi. No kidding. This makes no sense to have to go through this.

Danice cried today again. I just know Mrs. A is going to ban me from coming back. She will not tolerate Danice crying every time I come and go especially since I am not the biological mother.  She would have the right to deny me on the property. I will need to get a lawyer on this case like yesterday to file a summons to remove her from the Joshua House. Time is of the essence and my heart tells me that I may be doing more harm than good by going in to see her.  She is always so happy to see me. Today we did our usual routine of coloring and reading, but we had company today. A little boy named Carlton who always hangs around her wanted to join in with the coloring and Danice let him finish one of her pictures. Then we practiced a few letters and shapes, went over her sign words and naturally ended with Teddy Bear. I showed her pictures of her new baby sister. She got a hold of the camera and showcased her photography skills. And then all the joy was gone when I told l her I had to leave. I tried my best to console her with logic, but it was useless. I even tried to bribe her with ice cream and candy. Pointless. There was no comfort to be found. Finally I had no choice. If I did not leave I would have to travel at night which could be dangerous because it’s harder to get a minibus. I told her I would count to three and then say goodbye. At three I got up and kissed her and she wailed in protest. I walked quickly and refused to look back. The anger started to well up in me. WHY MUST THIS BE?!?! It also makes no sense for Danice to have to go through this. On the way home I started thinking if I were to just walk out with her, no one would be the wiser.  But then again kidnapping does not fare well on an adoption application.

 I also found out today Peyton was injected with the BC&G(sp?) vaccination at less than 24 hours old. No one has been able to tell me exactly what it is. The local mothers say it protects them from getting a cold. Well that makes no damn sense, but at this stage there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is wait until Sharon is discharged and then no one will ever stick my child without my explicit permission ever again.

When I told mommy about the day, she seemed pleasantly amused at the passion of my mothering. She agreed with the strategy of getting a lawyer involved to hasten the process of bringing Danice home.  We cannot afford to wade through the adoption board alone and wait for Human services. Yesterday she met with a family member who recently became a lawyer while I was with Sharon at the hospital. She has referred us to another lawyer who is very familiar with adoption cases in Guyana and knows the system well. She also charges less that Mr. H__y, who although he is well known, is not a specialist in adoptions.

I ended the day by washing the meconium soiled diapers Sharon gave me with thanksgiving. I have to hand wash them in a basin with a wash board. I do it with no complaints and marvel at how well her system is adjusting to life outside the womb. I need to learn how to fold these cloth diapers.

Lord protect my girls this night and every night. Deliver them safely into my care and give me the strength and wisdom to guard them as any mother would and then a little extra for lost time. Again give my Danice a restful sleep. Comfort her and keep her. Remind her of my love when she wonders where I am. Distract her so that she doesn’t despair. Protect Peyton from all that will harm her. Strengthen Sharon to keep watch over her until she is delivered to me. Assemble your angels to stand guard and arrange your saints to hasten this process of making us a legal family with US citizenship.  In Jesus Name.

Birth Story

11.26.2010

Birth Story

I woke this morning after another restless night. At least that is how I felt. I lay down praying . I wake up praying always asking for God’s mercy in the mission ahead. It feels like it takes me so long to fall asleep and then my dreams are so involved that I wake up feeling as if I never slept.  Mommy woke up very early before sunrise because she turned in before 8pm. I found myself still struggling for a restful sleep that leaves me refreshed and ready for the day. I guess the wait is getting to me. I finally gave up at 7:30am. Mommy tells me Sharon stopped by earlier to tell her the doctor at the clinic told her she had 2 more weeks. My heart sank so low I wanted to cry. Why did we come so early? 2 more weeks??? Are you kidding me? 2 weeks until term or 2 weeks to FULL term? What two weeks is she counting? I cried out to God, “Please Lord, this can’t be happening” Just then Sharon knocks on the door. It around 8 am. She was dressed to go to clinic, but she stopped in to tell us she was having contractions and was unsure on whether she should start the hour long trip to the clinic alone. Mommy told her to come in and let me time the contractions. I started timing at 8:14am. They were about 7- 8 minutes and strong enough to makes her stop to breathe. Hmmm? I was still in my night clothes and had not even washed my face. Mommy told me to get dressed while she timed another one using my ipod touch application. I also need to express some milk  because I was very full from the night. I tried to get some out while I pulled on clothes. I gave Sharon something to drink to rule out dehydration.  The contractions suddenly got stronger and Sharon was thinking we had better leave because it will take an hour to get to the hospital by minibus.  It was then I realized the contractions were now 3-4 min apart and Sharon was feeling it in her butt.  It was 8:45am I told Mom we need to call Pauline (Sharon’s younger sister) who has a car because we were not going make it on a bus. Sharon was begging to lie down. I put her in the bed and on the next contraction she started to bear down. Oh no! I know I wanted a home birth but not with me as the attending!!! Sharon’s older daughter Kimberly came in the house to report that Pauline is on her way. The contractions were strong and long and Sharon exclaimed that she feels the head moving down.  Just then Pauline honked the horn and came running in the house. I got Sharon up and to the door and another wave came that forced her to squat in the door.  I calmly told her, “You need to start blowing through these as best you can and when it passes we have to move quickly. Within seconds  we were down the stairs and in the car. Pauline had her two youngest in the front seat with Kimberly holding one and me in the back with Sharon keeping her sane and push plastic under her in case the membranes rupture. The ride was a very bumpy one and at every pothole Sharon let out a scream. Pauline was driving like a true ambulance honking all the way for the other cars to move. The intended hospital at West Demerara Regional in Best Village was at least still 30 mins by private car but there was  a closer one in Lenora village. Pauline asked me if we should go there instead. I agreed. Just seconds away Sharon screams out a long grunt. Pauline tells me to check her. When I pulled back her panty the head was visible but the membrane was intact. Pauline turns into the hospital complex emergency bay and yells for a nurse. There was a midwife on duty. {THANK YOU JESUS!!!}  Not only was she a midwife, but one of the best in the region!!! 5 minutes after we arrived in the complex, Peyton Tasha was born at 9:25 am. I was shooed out the examination room, but I was right by the door when I heard her first cry .  I was a little concerned with the AC in the room. There was no warmer and they left her on the exam table with just a receiving blanket loosely around her. After seeing that I refused to move from the door until the nurse got tired of seeing me and let me in under the guise of looking for clothes in Sharon’s bag.  In Guyana, the hospital only provides medical personnel, a mattress, and a frame.  You have to bring all the clothes, cloth diapers, sheets, soap, even the plastic to save the bed from your blood. The rooms are old and beaten down. Nothing is sterile. The nurses wear gloves, but you and your baby are left to the elements.  Lenora Hospital does not have a maternity ward so Sharon had to be transferred to the Hospital in Best village where she was supposed to deliver. Peyton was quickly bathed and dressed and Sharon was cleaned up and changed into the gown she brought. The midwife allowed me to sit with her and Peyton while she wrote up the birth record and transfer papers. She made a side comment for me not to “touch up” the baby. HA! Boy if she only knew. Peyton rooted like a champ and the midwife encouraged Sharon to nurse. I helped her change into a different gown that would allow access. Peyton was only at the breast for a few minutes before the midwife took her to get a weight for the records.  She was 2 kg and 800g.  (Later Pauline told me that convert to 5 lbs 7 ounces but my conversion table says 6lbs 1.7oz)

By this time Pauline left with the delivery stained clothes because the boys were getting anxouis in the car. I was told I could ride in the ambulance with Sharon and the baby. YAY! But the ambulance was nothing but a minibus with no seats and a gurney in the back.  The ride was just as bad as the mad rush to get to Lenora. I have no idea why he was driving so fast since there was no emergency. Still I held onto Peyton and Sharon as best I could until we pulled into the second hospital complex. This was a much larger hospital with all areas of medicine represented. The maternity ward was at the back of the complex in an old building that was littered out front with rusting equipment and beds. We had to climb two flights of stairs to a back area that was filled with about 25 beds of women in every stage of ante partum and postpartum.   Again nothing sterile and no one seemed to care either.  Mothers laid in the bed with their babies right next to them either on the breast or simply sleeping. Each woman has a cubby hole where they kept their water, food, toilet paper, feminine napkins, and toiletries all brought from home. The beds were just inches from each other. Some had nets. Some barely had a good sheet on it. Privacy was nonexistent.  Everyone shares the same bath room and toilet. You rinse out your panties and hang it on the line outside to dry. The doctor that told Sharon she had two more weeks was there. She looked annoyed when she saw Sharon again, but it turned to shock when she turned around and saw me standing behind her with babe in arms. 2 weeks! Humph! The nurse took Peyton from me and put her in the incubator while they checked on Sharon.  There are no niceties with the nurses. They are harsh and rough with no sympathy at all. Sit down! Walk over there! Lay there! Shut your mouth!  What do you want me to do about it!  I know health care is free, but would it hurt to be civil? Lord, have mercy.

Sharon had not eaten or drank so I went to buy her a liter of water. I made up her bed and sat with her until the nurse chided me that visiting hours were not until 12 noon.  It was 11:15 am. I decided I could not wait in the heat for 45 mins since I had also not eaten and was dripping in sweat from a very eventful morning.  I borrowed 120 dollars from Sharon and rode the minibus back to the village to wait for Mommy to come home from Georgetown.  I sat at Pauline’s house when I got into the village and talked over the morning events. Pauline recalled that Sharon has a history to delivering very fast and there also seems to be a pattern of eating curry the night before! She also blessed me for being present for her and spoke of a huge difference I have made.  Her voice quivered with gratitude.  God is so good.

After a meal and a bath, I went back to the hospital with two clean panties and a meal for Sharon. I found her in bed with Peyton. She told me she had a little problem after I left with a queasy stomach and her bleeding was heavy. I told her that was to be expected because of the fast delivery.  I sat with Peyton while Sharon went to take a bath and change into clean clothes. I gathered the soiled clothes and Peyton’s first diaper to take back home to launder by hand.  We sat and laughed about the morning. I went to buy more water and a sweet drink called Thrill and watched her eat. She looked much better. I stayed until I was again chided to leave because visiting hours were over. It was long past sundown by the time I walked into our village lot.  

Almighty God, You are AWESOME. Just when I felt I could not go on you had the entire event in motion. Forgive me for wanting to give up and not simply trusting you.  This night give my two girls a restful sleep. Protect Peyton in her new born state. Strengthen her body hour by hour and guard her from illness and disease. Continue to protect Danice as I long for her to be home with us. Thank you for Sharon. Strengthen her body and spirit as she prepares for another phase in her life. See to it that she is released from the hospital quickly so that Peyton will be in my care and nursing at my breast. And Lord, please don’t let anyone stick Peyton with any vaccines.  In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank You

11.25.2010

Thanksgiving Day. I have been secretly wishing that today would be the day. Sharon left a short while ago for the clinic in Georgetown.  She says nothing is happening so she is only going to see what if anything they will say. Mom and I had the idea of going to look for the Guyana equivalent of black cohosh. I should be patient and let nature take its course, I know. But there is so much riding on the arrival of this precious child. With her birth, new life really starts. The anticipation is almost too much, but I have to wait. I want to imagine it would be a tad different if not easier if I was carrying. At least then I can feel her moving every moment. I can talk to her. Stroke her. Sing to her. I can’t really do anything of that. Sharon has too much to do and is way too busy to indulge my intrauterine bonding sessions. She cares for a neighbor’s 3 children plus her own 15 year old daughter, Kimberly. Every day she cooks, cleans, prepares them for school, and everything in between. Sounds like every mother’s work, but now imagine doing all that with no running hot water, no washing machine, no dishwasher, no vacuum cleaner, no car, no grocery stores, no  AC. Now add torrential rain every other day, mud, every insect you can think of, 99% humidity all the time, wooden houses and unreliable electricity. On this Thanksgiving Day when all of my loved ones in the US are gathering from all over to enjoy the best of foods and the greatest company, I give thanks for making a way for even the poorest of people. Even in their state that are able to laugh and enjoy what they have. I thank God for the opportunity to see His mercy in this place and really appreciate what all I have. This experience will be with me forever to remind my girls of where they came from and to be grateful. Thanksgiving day is not celebrated as such in Guyana since it’s an American holiday. But I have so much to be thankful for.

I am thankful for …

the country of my birth

my parents who love the Lord

my family

my church

my salvation in Jesus Christ

my health

my education

my children

God Bless my children

Amen.

countdown.. and heartbreak

11.23.2010

Today I came to see you again. You ran into my arms and I hugged you tightly. Nana was with me. She hugged you and we all sat on the bench. I brought a comb to start stimulating your scalp. Nana read you a book while I worked on your head. You left for a short time for lunch and came right back. Nana was eating nuts and you took one. You had to break the shell with your teeth which proved to be impossible since the two front ones were missing! Nana gave you one without the shell and I peeled the skin for you. You did not seem to like the taste very much because you did not motion for more. We read our Teddy Bear book again and you performed the actions just like before. Then just as I promised I took out the crayons for you to color the teddy bear. Your face lit up and you got down to serious business coloring. When you were done, you motioned for another one, but Nana felt we should only do one a day. I would have let you color every page just to watch the joy in your eyes. Next we worked on drawing letters. We did the letter D and the letter A in hopes to start your name. You were able to draw it when I held you hand, but not much more than that. You loved to trace the letters though. You even tried to make your own tracing. For our last activity I read you another book- When cows come home. You smiled at the silly cows. Nana suggested it was time we got going. I hugged you and told you I would be back tomorrow and that’s when the happy time ended. I sensed something was wrong, but before anyone could move your tears started to flow and my heart broke into a million pieces. I pulled you close and begged you not to cry even though I had already started to cry myself. Nana turned away. I am sure she was crying too. You sobbed in my arms for what felt like an eternity until you fell asleep. I prayed over you. Most Merciful God Please protect this your child. How will I leave you? How can I ease your pain? Tomorrow must seems like years away in your mind. How many times have you heard “tomorrow” and it never came? As you slept in my arms my heart ached for you- the years of neglect, the lonely nights, the broken promises, the deficits of motherly love and affection. Oh Danice, Tomorrow is forever for me too. Please forgive me.

I took you upstairs to the sleeping quarters. It was dormitory style with several bunk beds. I asked where was your bunk and the girls pointed me to an empty bunk with no sheet. Is this really how you sleep each night? Dear God please don’t let that be the truth. I sent the girls for a sheet and they made the bed while I held you. As I laid you in the bunk you started to cry again. I could not leave. I sang to you the first song that came to mind. Tomorrow from the play/movie Annie. The girls chattered nonstop. They commented about who picks on you and your feeble attempts at defense. They vowed to defend you against the bigger girls. The stories continued which further convinced me that you have had a very hard way of life compared to mine or even children I know. My poor Danice. Please don’t give up on your innocence yet. I really had to leave and your tears started to flow again. I kissed you and told you I’ll be back tomorrow. You wailed as I walked away and I did not turn back so that you could not see my tears. Lord, protect her this night from those who wish to take advantage of her sweet spirit. Post your angels around her and give her peace. Wrap your arms around her so that she will feel loved and secure. Please guard her vigilantly while we are apart. In Jesus Name.

11.24.2010

I did not sleep well last night. Heartaches. Dreaming of Danice. I woke up with a headache. I spent most of the morning praying. Mom decided she was not going into town with me to meet the lawyer we were referred to by Uncle T, Mr. H___y. I would have to go it alone. It was a rough morning. My blood pressure was not that great and I felt weary. But God gives us new every morning our daily bread. His mercies are everlasting. After a great lunch I got myself ready and left for Georgetown. I took the minivan to the Wharf and then the Speed boat across the Demerara River. From there I walk through Big Market to the minibuses that go to the Hospital. Mr. H__y’s office is around the corner from Joshua House. The meeting with the lawyer went well. He is a realist and was intent to giving me facts of the matter. The process will not be quick. To that I continue to resolve that it will all happen in God’s time which in neither quick nor slow, but just on time. Afterwards I went to see Danice. She was wearing a dingy summer dress made of jeans material with no shirt and no shoes. She was obviously had been paying in the dirt and had mud and sand all over her. She gave me a hug as I walked into the compound. She was walking with a limp from what looked like a bruise on her knee. I tried to wash it with some hand sanitizer. I had a long talk with Mrs. A, the home mother. At first she warned me not to come every day, but I think we can work something out. I’m sure her concern comes from the strong display of emotion yesterday. Today however was very pleasant. We sat on the bench and did our routine. Danice colors while I comb out her hair. We practice tracing letters and shapes. There were goody bags given out to all the children with candy and a pencil. Danice was intent on sharpening her pencil and writing in the tablet. Then she fed me chocolate candies (M&Ms)! Today I let her color two pictures and she practiced the letter D. She was so proud of her work. You did not talk. But your gestures and motions spoke volumes to me. I understood everything you “said”. I know once I have the opportunity to teach your ASL you will have plenty to say. For our last activity we read Teddy Bear and did the actions. When it was time for me to leave there were no tears. She simply hugged me and walked to the other children. Happy days are here again. I took a minibus back to the market to the speed boat and then another minibus to Vergenogen and got home just after sundown. It was a good day. Father protect her tonight from danger seen and unseen. Have your angels stand guard as she sleeps and be with her as she travels to school tomorrow. Give us the wisdom to attend to the work you have started to unite this family. In Jesus Name. Amen.

The first time ever I saw your face

11.19.2010

I met you today for the first time in the flesh. We've met several times in my dreams and now it is reality. You are the sweetest child I have ever met with a bright smile with a touch of shy. We read together Teddy Bear Teddy Bear. You did all the motions. I brought a coloring sheet of a teddy bear, but forgot the crayons. I promised to bring crayons next time I came. We read The Three Pups and you counted the puppies and the children and named the black one your favorite. You made your first signs; socks, biscuit (crackers),baby, shoes, spoon and hat. You are so smart. We sat together and you listened as I chat with your auntie Beverly. You laid you head on my lap and fell asleep as sweet as an angel. Before I knew it the time had past. I had to leave to catch the van back to the village. I waved goodbye. You waved back and we were gone. Your aunt distracted me with chatter, but my heart still registered the hurt. I will be back and I will not stop until I leave with you in my arms.

I don't like that place. I see no supervision. There are flea ridden mangy dogs roaming the compound. And the children just wander around with no structure or visible routine. No one wears shoes. At least her clothes fit.

Sharon has been feeling a few contractions all day. Around 8:30 she stopped by to use the phone to alert the grandmother of the children she is caretaking. She says she feels a contraction about ever half hour. I doubt it will amount to anything. Still I will turn in early and keep the phone near the bed. Mommy told her to take a bath and turn in. Good advice.   

Baby Watch continues

Here is a very quick update..

We have been in Guyana for one week. Life here is nothing like the States. Think the black deep south in the 1920s. Then add cows, goats, and dogs roaming everywhere. Life starts at sunrise and ends at sundown. It is not that way everywhere. Right now I am at an uncle's home and it's like I've walked into a transporter and I am back in the States. AC, internet, CNN, modern furniture, the works. Still, I am happy. My family is treating me very well and take good care of us. My mother is quite at home and that allows me to relax. My accent has already changed. My cousins are impressed that I've picked up the dialect so quickly even though I am obviously a foreigner. We are all one.


Today is week 39. My cousin had a few rumblings last week, but it turned out to be nothing. Still her sisters are predicting this week for sure. I hope they are right. I had a great idea that we could do a home delivery, but apparently that is no longer encouraged even though the hospital situation is not pleasant at all. We have no idea how good we have it in the States. Please continue to pray for a safe delivery that will allow my cousin to leave the hospital in 24 hours. The sooner Peyton is in my care, I will start to rest easy.

I went to see Danice at the orphanage. She has lost her second front tooth. We read together and I taught her five signs from a sign book I had with me. We sat on the bench until she fell asleep on my lap. She is the sweetest child I have ever seen. I will hope to visit her three days a week since she goes to school two days a week. I must apply to the child protection services to request that she be released to me while we wait for the adoption.

We have no real news on how the process is coming. We can only wait for Peyton to be born.

Continue to pray for a safe delivery and a immediate release from the hospital with Peyton.
Pray that children services will release Danice in a few weeks.
Pray that the lawyer will figure out the laws and get us a court hearing at the appropriate time.

In His service,
Persis

Letters to my daughters

Dear Danice Ann,

I'm on a flight with your grandmother on the way to meet you. At this moment you have no idea that I am on my way. You do not know who I am. You do not know I exist. You saw your grandmother for a brief moment in August. You probably were thinking she was just some nice lady wanting to visit. You were told she is your auntie. Little did you know that the picture she took of you set the stage for a new act in your life. I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. I have prayed for you even  before I knew your name. My heart has grown you into existence. As I travel to you, not knowing what is in store for any of us, I thank God. I thank Him for granting me the ability to love. I thank Him for putting the desire in my heart and allowing it to grow in it's many forms. I have been preparing for you for a very long time. I have been waiting for you. There are so many possibilities for our lives now. There are so many new paths that are being formed. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I know who holds the future. I dream of singing with you, reading with you, teaching you, and holding you.  I hope our first meeting will be memorable. I imagine I will want to grab you in my arms and kiss your face all over because I feel as if I have always known you. But I know that may be unrealistic.  I've looked at your picture for the past two months trying to imagine what you are thinking. I know there may be times when you are scared and unsure. That could very likely increase before it settles. Your new life will be very different. But know this- there are literally hundreds of people waiting to meet you and lavish you with all the love you can take in. We will be patient with you as you transition and encourage you to work it through. You are already very loved - more than you can imagine. Even I am amazed by how much I am loved. The amount of support I have been given is almost too much to explain. Your grandmother is such a champion. She will look at you in the years to come and probably cry. I'll tell you now they are tears of joy because God used her to make this all happen.

You have a church family that has fully invested in your future. They unselfishly gave 2800 dollars towards your adoption costs. They believe in prayer but also working their faith in action. At this very moment prayers are going up for you and will not cease until you are safely emmigrated. You also have a host of doula aunties who gave 500 dollars towards your costs. They too are praying for you and can't wait to see you. There are prayer warriors all over the United States, Canada, and Mexico holding vigil for you and your sister. With these blessings, I know I will be able to pay for the adoption expenses without worry of missing a mortgage payment. Thanks be to God for the saints that do His will.

You are already blessed and highly favored. The spelling of your name reflects that as it is derived from Daniel, a hebrew boy who chose God above all else. My prayer is that you will do the same.

In the coming days and months we will only grow closer. I do not know what wounds must be dressed in order to promote healing, but I know a Balm that will soothe all fears and doubts. Sleep well my child. Your mother is waiting.

Dear Peyton Taja,

You aren't even born yet. You are nestled in the womb of your surrogate mother and I love you just as much as she does. I dream about you and your sister every minute of the day. I think of you as I prepare your nourishment in my breasts. I pray for you that your journey will be safe. You too, have hosts of people awaiting your arrival. As you prepare to enter this world, your anointing is sure. You are named for the church family who is waiting to receive you into the household of faith. In preparing to travel today I kept the both of you at the forefront of my mind. I told myself everything that I do, it is for you. The sacrifices I am making of my body, my finances, my time and energy are all worth every milisecond. There are simply no words perfect enough to describe how I feel right now. I can only imagine your hands and feet. I can imagine your sister holding you in awe. I can almost feel your breath on my chest. I love you. Rest well my dear one. We will meet soon.

Love, Mommy

Spilled Milk

Hi everyone! Especially those who are just joining the party. Welcome!
It's coming down to the wire on the departure date- one week and counting.
Here's what's been going on in the last three weeks:

I have been working extra hours and every freelance assignment that comes my way. After over a year of working from home it was an adjustment for me to have to remember what is needed to be away from home all day or even a half day. I got lost several times. I completely forgot the traffic issues in the area. I misjudged my travel time. Most of all it reminded me how blessed I am to work from home. I want to return to working from home, but next time my vocation will be homemaker. Lord God, hear my prayer.

I met with the social worker to go over the Home-study that was initially done in July for the state adoption. There were are few adjustments that needed to be made to meet international standards. Now we are waiting for the final reports from international child protective services to be included. I have never waited so long to give up 1,500 dollars in my life. If the report is not in by this Monday, the home study will simply state that an inquiry was submitted. When the federal department gets the 600 form, they will run the check again. It was my hope to send the paperwork in a month before I left so that I would have the approval letter to take with me. That will not happen. My only recourse at this point is to mail it before I leave and travel with a certified copy of everything. When the adoption is completed in the Guyana courts I will take everything to the consulate and request that the children be declared immediate relatives with citizenship rights. God is in control.

Two weeks out I made my trip to the travel clinic. I volunteered to be a pin cushion for love. Hepatitis A, Tetanus/ Diphtheria/ Pertussis, Influenza, and Typhoid. I have my prescription for Malaria and an antibiotic for stomach illnesses. I was unable to get the Yellow fever vaccine because it is a live vaccine and contraindicated for nursing mothers. The nurse gave me a waiver note.  The clinic practitioner was very informative and thorough. She printed out several sheets of information. I will need to be very careful with covering my skin from mosquitoes, wearing repellent religiously, treating the house with insecticide, and avoiding peak times. I also wanted to get the varicella vaccine because some how I managed to avoid contracting chicken pox as a child. Again I was contraindicated because I am nursing. PLEASE pray for my protection from illness. My mother caught chicken pox as an adult mother of two and I have been reminded  by her on several occasions how horrendous it is as an adult. So I declare my health and strength and ask for your affirmation of faith as well.

I printed the immunization schedule for Danice and Peyton. I do not know what kind of immunizations Danice has received in her 6 years of life, but I know she will be caught up before being allowed into the country. As for Peyton, I will need to make some decisions on what I will and will not allow. However I do not know whether I will even be given a choice due to immigration. I have printed the alternative schedule to offer the practitioners if I have the opportunity. Even though I personally believe vaccinations should be limited until the age of 2 when the immune system is mature, I will not allow that to derail our return to the States. God is in control.

I stated in my last blog that I will feed my daughter from my breasts. Not beetle ridden similac. Not infamous enfamil. Homegrown 100% organic human milk!  Many of you have been eagerly waiting for the updates. One week after starting the lactation protocol, my milk came in full force. Just two weeks ago I was sending text pictures of 1/8 of a teaspoon to my faithful breastfeeding fans:-) I actually had a squirt of milk and squealed for joy. I prayed for increase. The very next week I was collecting milk in the bottles. I can pump an ounce of milk and still hand express more. So now I'm sending pictures of a bag of milk! I can shoot milk 4 feet!!!! (Yes I did measure it :-) What an amazing body God has made! He gives seed to the barren and food in famine. The reaction I get when I tell people I am lactating without ever being pregnant is just priceless. Lactation is a brain function, not a uterine function- but I want to add that it is also a heart function. If I could breast feed Danice too, I would do it! But being that she is much too old to benefit from the milk, she will certainly get plenty of "breast time" in the form of hugs and snuggles. I must admit it is getting really tiring to pump every two hours. I am missing times from soreness. But as I get closer to departure the only thing that keeps me going is to imagine my baby girl suckling for nourishment and playing with her tiny feet and hands as I look into her eyes and fall in love every single time. It's so funny that just a few weeks ago if I knocked over my teaspoon of milk and it was like I wanted to cry. This stuff is gold...no, platinum!!! The change came just this week. I knocked over the bottle of milk a few times and praised God that I can and will make more. No more crying over spilled milk.
I'm resting on His promises! I'm covered! I'm not worried!

This past Sunday I celebrated the Feast of All Saints with my church family at St. Paul's Episcopal Church. I was blessed with an "on the spot" opportunity to address the family and announce my plans. I am so convinced that all that I do and say are in divine order. I have been planning to update my rector for three weeks, but there was always something that got in the way. I even tried to hunt down the assistant rector to no avail. I really didn't want to send an email or leave a voice message. But this Sunday I ran into the vesting room in hopes of steaming out the choir robe that looked like I slept in it all night, and ran smack into Rob (my rector). Within seconds I updated him that I was leaving next week and he immediately gives me the podium to address the congregation.  I will need 1500 per month to keep everything that MUST remain on current while I'm gone and not working. On Sunday the Spirit moved 5 church family members to hand deliver small donations that perfectly paid one of my utility bills for 4 months!!! The saints are not just those who have died. They are right here among us. Thank you.

In His Service,
Persis