Random thoughts

Reason I came to Guyana.
I thought to adopt a baby and her sister.

Apparent Reasons
Assist in the birth of a family member.
Give a child two months of premium care
Witness the needs of the other children
Have an opportunity to test my innate parenting skills in the most challenging conditions
A great bonding time with my mother
Quiet time with God and an exercise of faith.

There was a matter of timing for my stay here in Guyana. Originally my mother was to come ahead of me when the baby was born. That was when we thought Sharon was 8 months pregnant. When we heard she was 6 months and also poor blood and nuturtion I made a change in plans. As to give the baby the best possible start and a gentle arrival I decided to move up my arrival date to coinside with her arrival date and induce my own milk so that the baby would get a boost of human milk from a healthy person. I also wanted to establish an immedialte bond. I was told it was possible to expedite the adoption if there was an immediate need. However I only saved enough to stay for 3 months so it was importannt to time the process correctly. It was a fairly narrow window, but I could do my best by being in the country and staying on the case.
That window will close in a few weeks and the consents are not even valid yet.

Please do not judge Sharon. We here were asking her to deny her very nature as a human being who has given birth. I can only blame myself in that I did not pay better attention to her primal drive and it's ability to defy all reason. In my arrogance I wanted to believe that she would obviously see that I am a better choice to mother that she is. Bullshit.  Perhaps if she was to be educated, counselled, have no sensory access to the child, spiritual guidance, social support and even with all of that it would still be a small miracle. The mother child bond is designed to be very powerful and can not be broken just because we will it to be. Yes, it would have been better for her to say she changed her mind and stuck to that decision. Yes, by keeping silent she made this entire ordeal costly on many levels. But again we can only really blame ourselves for being so passionate about the caring of the child that we were blind to the needs of another human being. For that I ask her forgiveness and yours.